Have you ever
finished a counseling session beset with disappointment, confusion, or fatigue?
Confused because the meeting seemed fruitless or counterproductive,
disappointed because you were clueless about how to correct the situation or
knew you had made mistakes, and fatigued because it seemed like you just
emerged from a lost battle? Perhaps you were overwhelmed with the immensity of
the issues presented or with the intensity of the interactions experienced or
with the intractable personalities involved. In any case you were worn out,
with little positive to show for your efforts.
There will be times when even the best
people-helpers (maybe more than average) will have extra-difficult meetings
with those they are trying to counsel. The more a counselor is personally
committed to truth and godly character (especially love), empowered and
authorized by the Holy Spirit, and determined to promote the purposes and
reputation of Jesus Christ, the greater will be his or her standards for
counseling, and the more likely that she or he will encounter spiritual warfare
(i.e. personal human and demonic evil fighting the counselor). Even when
spiritual warfare is not involved in such sessions, the combined immaturity,
ignorance, infirmity, and iniquity of some clients can be oppressive, leaving
the counselor with an acute sense of incapacity—even failure.
What
You Can Do
You are not helpless, however, and you
are not alone with your experiences. Consider these general suggestions and
then reflect on the ten questions that follow, listening both to your self and
to the Holy Spirit as you consider answers that may empower and encourage you.
It might also be wise to consult with a trusted advisor who is skilled in
people-helping (Prov. 14:8; 15:14; and 12:15).
First, take a break from the situation by
doing something life-affirming (such as spending quality time with family or
friends for a few hours). Second, ask the Lord for insight as you prepare to
think about the session. Third, think about how you can positively reframe the
events of the meeting, considering how God, with your desire and cooperation,
may work it to the good (Rom. 8:28). Finally, find a quiet and comfortable
place to examine yourself and the session in light of these ten questions,
bringing your Bible and a note pad with you. You may want to write down the
questions before you begin to think about them, leaving space for notes as you
reflect and pray. Be mindful of any Bible passages that come to mind as you
ponder these various interrogatories.
Ten
Questions
1.
What
comfortable or uncomfortable feelings do I have about the session? List and
prioritize them according to their significance to you. An articulated,
well-developed feelings vocabulary will help immensely with this question. [You
may email the author to request a list-rickls53@yahoo.com.]
2. Why am I thinking that this was a
difficult session? Note how this meeting differs from the typical, both
positively and negatively. Note also if you were different than usual going
into this session. Record any possible distractions or disablements that may
have compromised your abilities to function optimally in this encounter.
Realistically, that does happen sometimes.
3. What do I think could have gone better or
differently, if anything? Compare what occurred with what you wish had happened
or expected to happen. Contrast what happened with your ideal counseling
theory/theology process and outcome vision.
4. Do I have any particular, pressing concerns
about the client(s) from things I observed this session, such as elevated
defenses, strong hostility, excessive emotion, toxic thinking, destructive
behavior, questionable mental status? Record your observations and consider why
these features might have been so evident in this recent meeting.
5. How do I think the clients were feeling
during the session? Again, consult a comprehensive list of comfortable and
uncomfortable feelings [available upon request from the author]. Ask yourself
what the client(s) may have been feeling that way about? Consider the evidence
for and against your speculations.
6. Is there any way that interaction during
the session could have been improved? Think about whether you listened well, if
your thoughts were adequately expressed, if client questions were properly
anticipated and addressed, if any client distress signals were detected and
acknowledged by you, if you clearly heard client thoughts and feelings and
reflected them back to the client(s). Ask yourself if you were sensitive to
timing, tone of voice, body language, and choice of words on your end of the
interaction. Note any regrets for things said or done, and why.
7. Did anything not get said or happen that I wish had? Consider what was left
unsaid or undone by you or the client(s). Note why those things are important
and how they might have made a difference. Think about what you would do
differently if you could repeat the session. Consider if you can make amends
next session.
8. What were the points of agreement or
disagreement among session participants? Note if and why any of these were
significant. Consider whether the client(s) would agree or disagree with the
various parts of your analysis—and the reasons.
9. If there were more than one client, how
did they interact with each other? Think about how their interactions in this
past meeting were similar or dissimilar to previous sessions. Consider what
factors may account for their interactions, especially if they were problematic
or atypical.
10. On
what note, or with what mood, did the session end? Reflect on the significance
of how things ended, especially any unsatisfied expectations and unresolved
uncomfortable feelings. Note if there seemed to be any hidden agendas or veiled
messages connected to how the session terminated—by anyone present.
Christian Psychology
The
Christian worldview involves a significant place for both God and people, as
should Christian counseling goals and processes. The Bible places a high value
on the psychological process of situational reflection and self-examination,
crucial to smart people-helping. In fact, God made and expects us to properly
use our minds for rational ends, the noetic effects of sin notwithstanding:
“Come let us reason together,” He invites the people of Judah in Isaiah 1:18. With equal regard for the cognitive
capacities of sufficiently able and willing persons, the apostle Paul urges the
saints to “examine” and “test” themselves (2 Cor. 13: 5 NIV), reminiscent of
Lamentations 3: 40: “Let us examine our ways and test them” (NIV). The psalmist
reports that he has considered his
ways, modifying them according to the statutes of God (Psa. 119: 59 NIV), and
Paul reminds his readers in 1 Cor. 11:31 that if they judged themselves (a
related cognitive exercise to self-examination), they would not come under
God’s judgment. Of course, none of the many exhortations in the Wisdom
literature for people to desire and pursue knowledge, understanding,
discernment, and wisdom (the insight gifts) would make sense if people were not
first expected to reflect on their need for these characteristics.
In
his first letter, Peter urges Christians to prepare their minds for action
(1:13). That is one major purpose of
self-reflection. Christian people-helpers can apply this good biblical
psychology after difficult counseling encounters by considering the questions
and applying the general suggestions provided above. Additionally, take time to
think about what you did well in a difficult session. Be fair and gracious with
yourself. After all, the encouragement of Philippians 4:8 to think about things
that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or
praiseworthy surely includes your counseling efforts.
Rick
Sholette, MDiv, ThM
Paraclete
Ministries
www.paracleteministries-rsholette.com
No comments:
Post a Comment